Infidelity is increasing at an alarming rate. Statistically, men are more prone to cheating than women and it’s estimated that up to 60% of all married individuals will engage in some form of infidelity at some point in their marriage.
The question is, “Why?” Why do men cheat? Well, there may be a number of reasons and is probably different for every man in different stages of life.
Let’s look into the reasons a 30-something year old man may be cheating.
1. Pre-midlife crisis
I know it’s annoying to be labeled as going through a midlife crisis at any age over 20-something, but this term only means that someone is seeking new meaning and thrill in their life. Engage in a candid and honest chat with your man and talk to him about how you can be a part of this new journey in his life. Tell him that you know he is changing and evolving and that you want to be a part of it. Share new goals, try something new together, get involved in things he wants to do.
2. It’s nature
You may have heard this from a man and cringed, but the reality is almost all species on planet Earth are non-monogamous, meaning they have multiple partners or mates. Many also make the argument that there are more men than women on the planet, so it makes sense for men to have more than one fling, wife or partner. Furthermore, if you look back in history, many of the most powerful men had multiple wives.
You’ve heard the saying, “Behind every strong man is a strong woman,” but what if there are many strong women behind one man? Could it have been men like King David, King Solomon, King Ramses and others “secret sauce” to ruling empires? Before religion and the stigma behind “cheating” it was common place to have sister wives and a royal family community that supported one another in the running and ruling of kingdoms. Well, it makes good food for thought (and definitely for a heated debate!).
Men are certainly physical beings and in search of new thrills and challenges in life again and again. Men need to be stimulated with a game of cat and mouse at times. There may be something to keeping a man on his toes. New lingerie, practicing good hygiene, avoiding a dingy wardrobe at home and getting creative in the bedroom are all good ideas to keep in rotation. Agreeing on a week or two of practicing abstinence will also make his longing for you intensify…just sayin’.
4. Feelings of inadequacy
Everyone wants to feel interesting, loved and adored. If you’ve been with your partner for awhile, you may not be as interested in him as in the beginning during the “puppy love” stage. If you want to make your honey feel special, it takes work. Leave him a special note on his bathroom mirror telling him how special he is to you. Write him a short poem, send a racy text message or a small gift to show that you are thinking of him.
Show interest in what he has to say if you do still truly care. If you show disinterest in your man, it can bring up deep feelings of inadequacy, insecurities and fears in him. Having him deal with those fears is another story, but don’t feed the beast by making him feel boring or unlovable. True love is, in fact, unconditional.
5. Lack of meaning in life
At a certain age men typically feel the responsibility to provide. This can come with ditching lifelong dreams to get a stable job that can be more or less unfulfilling and frankly, depressing. Though it may be important for him to keep his job for now, it doesn’t mean that he has to give up his hopes for his dream career or ideal life. Show that you support his dreams by buying some materials to create a vision board together. A simple cardboard canvas, elmer’s glue, scissors and some magazines are all you need. Clip words and images of your dream life, plans, goals and words with meaning and paste them on your board…together.
6. To escape responsibility
I’m not saying this is the only reason for cheating, but after their twenties, many men feel pressure from family and society to “man up”, settle-down and be a stable, grounded and upright man. Nothing can make a man want to escape responsibility more. Ease up on a brother! He’ll come around.
7. Not defining “cheating” the same as you
I know men like to pull this card, but it’s true that we all have different definitions of cheating. Where you draw the line, may not be where he draws the line. Flirting on social media, a suggestive text message, a dinner date, hugging, kissing and the list goes on. It may be helpful for you to state what you are willing to put up with and what will land him in the dog house or better yet – the curb.
It may be a touchy subject and often uncomfortable, but it’s worth the discomfort to strengthen the relationship with honesty and clarity. Cheaters have the tendency to lie if you ask them if everything is okay in their life. Instead, share your fears about cheating, your desire for a stronger relationship and your devotion to him. If you clear the air and create comfort, the more likely he is to express what he’s dealing with. Don’t flip the script if he opens up either, like what you hear or not…honesty is always the best policy.